PART 2 !!!

Hi Soldierettes,
 
Here is my part two!

• Independent- Every man and woman needs an independent person, well in the military that is a must. When one is gone the other has to hold the fort down and for that they have to be independent. They have to work, know how to do things that the other would usually do. Know that if something happens (god forbid) you can still move on as before. They need to know that someone is taking care of home while they are gone.
• Dependable- On the other hand being dependable. Being there for each other to hear them out, to do things for them, to help them when needed. It’s simple
• we all sometimes fall, we are not perfect,
• we all need a shoulder from time to time, we all have hearts,
• We all need favors from time to time, we all can’t do everything at once!
• Confidence-I have heard on many talk shows, Television shows, and by speaking to some males that confidence in a woman is sexy. Let’s get on thing straight, they do not mean being cocky and thinking that they are too good for everyone. They mean a woman who knows she is beautiful in every way and doesn't put herself down. They walk with their head held high and owns whatever good or bad they have and still keeps going stopping along the way to speak to everyone equally, never down. One bad thing, we ARE women, again we can have some self-confidence issues at times, it’s not letting those times get to you and to your relationship that shows him he has nothing to worry about. He doesn't care what brand of clothes you wear because your self-confidence makes everything on you amazing. Self-confidence issues can negatively bring the relationship down, the blaming games start and it all goes downhill. Soldiers can help the soldierettes by letting them know what they love about that soldierette. Keeping them assured that they are still noticed not just by looks but by other ways they may know. Hey ladies...this is also vice versa!
• Sense of humor- Women love men who have an amazing sense of humor, realize that I said "sense of humor" not a comedian. Not everything is a joke but making a joke at the right time or having fun with each other by making each other laugh, acting goofy, making stories up and going along with it. Pretending to speak in a different language in public. Laughter helps the heart and a relationship. I mean who doesn't love to laugh and have fun. Imagine that with your significant other. This is so easy to do and it’s a simple way to make that person smile why they are miles and miles away. It’s a form of saying I love you, I miss you or I'm thinking about you. It melts my heart personally.
• Trust- TRUST it’s a powerful word. Everyone knows without it a relationship can fail. I think you can’t trust someone 100% and it may be because of my past experiences in that department but I do think you can trust someone 99% and once you are there its smooth sailing, BUT you have to take care of that trust because once it is taken advantage of it can be really really really hard to get back, for some it’s over. It is also something that is really hard to gain. Couples have to go through a lot to gain their significant others trust, and it can take a lot of time, they have to prove to each other that they have it in them; to be trustworthy. Yes we all get jealous and have some insecurities but it happens to the best of us, that’s when other characteristics come in to remove those insecurities.
• What about relationships where one person is away a lot of the time likes; you guessed it, military relationships. You hear a lot about those "Dear John" letters, they are horrible, but you also hear about soldiers who cheat while they are away because they have needs and they don't think no one back home will find out, they also may not trust their spouse back home. The individual back home cheats because of the void and the lack of the characteristics they need to keep the relationship safe and so does the soldier who is away. This is why TRUST is important because it ties almost all other characteristics in together.
• We also have to have trust in each other’s financials, belongings, pets, secret etc. knowing we can take care of the financial and not taking everything and running with it, knowing while they are gone we will take care of pets and memorabilia, cars. Soldiers have a lot of info that sometimes is relayed back to the significant other and there has to be trust that none if it will be reiterated. Sometimes just plain secrets are given from their personal life; we have to trust in each other that it can be kept that way. We also have to have trust that each person is taking care of themselves and not hurting themselves. Some say trust is the number one Characteristic for a relationship but I say it is my second...crazy I know.. You will see why...
• Supportive- We all have values and goals in life and the best thing for our significant other to do is to understand and support them and us. In military relationships it’s very hard for the soldiers to deal with changes, moves and higher ups putting them down. There is so much that happens and we as soldierette have to keep showing them support that can help them along the way. We also need support from our soldiers. Knowing they understand what we are doing, what we want to do and the reasons why. Support our troops, but support their families too.
• Understanding- Again there are a lot of movements that happen in the military world and it not only involves the soldier but it involves everyone around him especially us, the soldierettes. We have to understand from day one how the life is going to work. We have to be understanding about things that in a normal relationship we may not have to worry about.
• We can’t hear from our soldier on a daily basis-understood
• We can’t see our soldier for days, weeks, months-understood
• We can’t be at family functions/gatherings with our soldier all the time-understood
• We can’t have sexy time with our soldier for days, weeks, months-understood
• We can’t make definite plans because you just don't know what may happen-understood
• We can’t know everything that happens in his line of work-understood
• We can’t get mad if he’s not being sweet/nice/cuddly/romantic because he’s stressed out-understood
• We can’t be upset that he doesn't open up much while he is gone-understood
• We can’t fight about all the little things all the time especially while he is gone-understood
• We have to understand that sometimes he may have to leave for another 3 months-understood
• We have to understand that he is doing this for OUR COUNTRY-understood
• We have to understand that this ISNT a normal relationship-understood
• We have to understand that he may be a long for a while but understand that he is still there and that he needs us more now than ever-understood.
• We have to understand that this is tough for soldiers, it isn't easy for them and we have to understand how to deal with it with him and for ourselves-understood
• I can go on and on...

Soldiers also have to think about us and understand us as well. Just because we are home doesn't mean it is easy for us. They have to understand what it takes for a soldierette to stay by his side. The strength it takes, the love it takes. They have to understand that we hurt to especially when they hurt. Be understanding about the things that you can understand, don't be understanding about the things you don't, ask questions help each other understand these  situation in questions.

·         Respectful- R-E-S-P-E-C-T is my number one characteristics in all types of relationships. Why? Well because if you don't have respect for someone then it is so easy to let that person down, it is easy to give up, to not have faith, to cheat, not be faithful, and so much more. To have respect for someone is to value all characteristics especially in a relationship. Everyone has their own order like some may say trust is number one on their list but if you don't have respect you truly don't have trust. You trust someone because you respect them. I feel as if once the respect is gone other characteristics go along with it if not all of them. Think about what respect means to you?...Think about what respect means to a soldier!

• Romantic- Be romantic, keep the romance alive. It means a lot more when our significant other is miles and miles away from us. The simplest things can melt our hearts and show so much, especially while we are apart. Still keep the sexiness in the relationship. Keep the chemistry going in ways you can think of.
• Etc.. Im sure there are more and once I think of them I will announce them.

I want to clarify that these are characteristics that I, my own head and heart thought of.  This is what I think is necessary for a military relationship to work. I'm sure it goes with normal relationships but I strongly feel that certain ones are much more important in our situations. I came up with these and everyone has their own opinion. I did this to help my soldierette out there understand what it is to be in a military relationship. I'm sure there are more but I have been working on this for weeks on and off and I just want to post this already!! I hope you all enjoyed this and please leave me messages or let me know what you think, how you feel.

 

Thank you, Sincerely

Melissa The Soldierette.

This is the one... Part 1

Hello My Soldierettes, this is the original post I have wanted to post, but I had to take a break and I apologize. I know some of you have been waiting for this. It is in two parts because it is SO long!

Every relationship takes work and so many other characteristics but a military relationship is a lot harder because they entail a lot more work. These are some of the characteristics a military couple should have to help the relationship run smoother in my eyes;

• Dedication- Couples have to be dedicated to be in a relationship. Thinking about the dedication it takes to be in a relationship before getting into one is wise. A Military relationship is different than just any regular one or normal one I should say, and both individuals have to be dedicated to the life before entering into it together. Dedication means work and commitment on being able to take the chances and keeping the relationship good. Knowing each other’s dedication to the relationship can make things easier with all other characteristics that follow. Not giving up is dedication. Soldierettes back home need the dedication of the soldier while he is gone, they need to see somehow that the soldier is dedicated to working it out while away. Just by simply staying in the relationship does not mean one is dedicated. It’s actually working to STAY in it and be happy at the same time.  
• Have faith- There are two types of faith
• 1 is having faith in your significant other, having faith in the relationship and having faith in yourself. Trust and confidence.
• Knowing that the other person in the relationship will do what it takes to keep the relationship going,
•  Knowing that the relationship will keep going so long as you know YOU will help make the relationship go smooth by having faith in yourself.
• Having faith that your relationship can overcome any obstacles. This ties in to Dedication and other characteristics like, determination, optimism, motivation, and trust. I think this is a crucial one because if you don't have faith in a person, or in the relationship then your relationship may not have all these other characteristics.
• Then there is faith in a higher power, no matter whom or what it is. You may not need this but to me it helps a lot. Some soldiers and families speak to a higher power who they feel watches over them, cares for them, keeps them safe, listens to them and gives them strength they need. For some, being religious can make or break the relationship but I think just believing in a higher power is a step in the right direction for the relationship and the individual themselves. Heck, some soldiers are able to go through war just believing in that higher power and to be honest I feel better knowing that I have a higher power watching over my soldier and keep me calm.
• Determination- I know when I am determined to get something done or do something I go for it 100%. I give it my all without giving up until I get it. Both have to really want the relationship to work because with determination comes work and dedication. Being determined means wanting something so bad that you work hard and don't give up and all the work is worth it for you. It is like your running and life throws fire balls at you and some you are able to dodge because you learned how to from your hard work, then there are some that may hit you; they hurt you but you pick yourself back up and you go, you keep going but you go stronger. You’re unstoppable, you’re determined to get what you worked for and want and you get it. BUT both have to be determined to want the relationship to work or else it just can’t work.  
• Optimism- To be optimistic is to be hopeful about the future in a positive way all along the way. Knowing that things will work out regardless of all those balls of fire that are thrown your way. Not giving up hope and keeping that faith in the relationship, in your significant other and in yourself. Knowing you can do this and can keep doing what you’re doing when times get tough. Telling yourself it is all worth it. In military relationships things are always subject to change and every time they do change it can bring the relationship and family down, but staying optimistic about it can help maintain spirits up through the change making it a lot easier for everyone.
• Motivation- Having motivation in life is simple enough to move on. Motivation in a relationship is not much, but in a military relationship it makes a difference. Times are tough; when the soldier is away they need motivation to keep going. Soldierettes back home also need to stay motivated to keep moving forward and live life while their soldier is away, not having them just moap around doing nothing and being miserable. Now being a motivation to each other is an extra bonus. Motivation can lift spirits and help with the tough times when they come your way.
• Being open/being able to communicate- Being open is crucial in a relationship and especially in a military one. In order to gain trust you have to be open and communicate a lot. From then on being able to open up about everything and anything is simple. I once was in a relationship where if I was to say my ex emailed me I would have gotten beat with no fault to me, that made me keep a lot from him,  this time I can tell my soldier anything because we are open and we talk about the situation and how to handle it. Don't keep any rising issues inside talk about them and figure them out together. Communication is key, as they say, and trust me it is. Military personnel sometimes have a hard time opening up but this is when we have to let them know we are trust-worthy and we are not judgmental and can be there for them. We as soldierettes want our soldiers to open up because we know they sometimes hurt inside, we have to give them time though, but they will come around, don't give up.
• Flexibility- In the military life you have to be flexible because like my soldier tells me everything is always subject to change. You have to have a plan A, B, C, D, E and F. Be prepared to move from one situation to the next.
• Strong- Military relationships can be so complex. It’s a whirlwind of emotions and changes and lack of communication etc. WE soldierrettes and our soldiers HAVE to be strong in every single way. Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, even sexually. It takes a lot of time to get to this place but it can be done. We have to be strong for our soldier who is away they don't want to see us weak minded and miserable. They want to see that we are holding it down for when they come home and while they are away. We also want to see that in our soldiers. Know that they can handle being away, can handle their duties and can handle leaving their soldierettes back home. Women are emotional human beings by nature but we have to learn how to be Strong on those emotions. The weakness can harm you, the relationship and the soldier as well as family around. Remember all these characteristics and you can gain that strength. I had written about being Army strong and that stands. It’s very hard to do in a military relationship but it is a must. Be strong for the family around you, prepare them to be strong. It is work but if you’re serious about the relationship it comes to be a natural way of being after a while. Not saying keep your tears in and have no emotions, just saying find a way to let it out correctly at the right time and place. We all cry heck I am a cry baby for good or bad things but I had to learn when not to cry and how I can make it so that I don't cry so much on the bad things. (Hope it wasn't too confusing).
• Faithful/loyal- To be faithful and loyal, well if you have no problem being faithful and loyal like me because it is so easy then you have it, but if you think you can’t be loyal and faithful then every other characteristic goes down the drain. You know yourself, if you have it in you or you don't. Clearly if you don't there is a problem there. Let’s face it being away from your significant other is hard, you can come across temptations along the way. This is where being loyal to your partner comes in. Nothing is worth losing a relationship you have worked so hard for. You have to think about these situations beforehand. I have been working on this post for the past two weeks and just yesterday I saw a movie (Tyler Perry's Temptation) great movie it basically sums everything up. Watch it when you have time. Don't let another person you don't know fool you when the person you do know and have worked to get to know is already yours. Stop it before it gets that far, at the end you will lose everything. If you are missing the spark that you once had with your significant other communicate it to each other let it be known and work at it. Listen to each other’s wants and needs. Military relationships can go through this simply because one person is far away. It is important to still have time to show and tell each other that we are still interested, in love with each other, aroused by one another, attracted to each other etc...There are many ways to show this! Trust me!!
• What if your spouse god forbid got hurt and is disabled, and then what do you do? Knowing you can stay loyal and stay by his/her side confirms that the temptation is a bad seed and should remove yourself from that situation.
• Another version of this is staying loyal to your beliefs, many people have negative opinions on military people and military relationships but stick to your beliefs and be proud, stand up to them and stay loyal.

 

Stay tuned for part 2 really good characteristics....

Its been a while but there is a void.

Hello my soldierettes,

 I have been so busy but decided to take a break. I was making myself ill. Through this time I have been experiencing the absence of my soldier. I told him this is a test for us and our relationship. I miss him like crazy but I still live my life. I keep myself busy, best way to deal with the void.

I wonder if he understands that I miss and I love him so much and I tell him over and over not because I am not being strong but because Its real and I feel it more than other days.
There is a difference between going to work all day and missing your significant other then going home to see him/her. When they are gone for a long time you think of all the small things that are taken for granted when you see each other every day.

• You start to miss the times when your in bed and he takes the all the covers, or
• when he takes over the control and wants to watch Family guy all night, or
• even not putting the toilet seat back down.

We miss this because this is him, who he is and he is not around. Now thinking back at the times he did these things we laugh!

 This is why I think military relationships can work if you truly understand them well. And to do that you have to make mistakes to learn from them, you have to go through some hard times to get to the easy ones. Don't give up so easily. Being able to get through the mistakes and the hard times is what will help you grow stronger as a couple. The thing here is that many soldiers don't have time to deal with working through the mistakes and the hard times because they are focused on what they are doing and don't need anything to bring them down. Understood. So it makes working on the relationship a bit tougher but if it gets done you know your relationship can handle it, don't give up as a soldierette.

Understand that they are out of their element, that is enough to make them feel uncomfortable and uneasy. We as soldierettes still live our lives as we would normally, in our own home where we can do what we normally do. They then have the stress of their duties and strict schedules.

He told me "you said you where going to be strong and im not seeing any of that," its harder than I thought especially when my soldier seems a lot more distant. He has been gone before and it was different. I feel the distance but yet he needs to understand that I still need some reassurance, I still want to feel like im in a relationship. He acted weird for a while did not know what to think of it. He asked me to google how soldiers deal with being away from family. I didn't. This has to do with me and him not every other soldier. You are your own person with your own feelings and thoughts and issues. As a couple you are your own way as well. We all deal with issues our own way.

Maybe it is a good idea to talk about things before they leave as to what is expected and how to be able to work things out. I was mad and upset I thought he would rather me  call him and tell him I miss him daily and want to talk to him as much as I can, than go out and be out and drink and party and not give a care as to what he is doing? Im confused. here I am making it obvious to him that I care and love him and miss him and im waiting for him but he distances himself from me while hes away why? We are suppose to do the opposite. It was tough for him to think of me as a failure but I had to think of his situation and not give up still show him that I can do it but I also need his help to show me he can also do this.

We as soldierettes are also built to be strong but along the building process we still need reassurance that our soldiers notice that and can give us some lovin'! After all we are women :)

Melissa the Soldierette

Surprise!

My hunny tells me hes coming home early meaning tomorrow. It's been a week I'm excited to see him. I rush home to start cleaning so the house is nice and clean and comfortable for him. He text me he needs me to email him a document from our computer so I'm rushing home. I get home I noticed the gate is closed the garage smells like flowers and my door from the garage to the laundry room is locked (I forgot to lock it when I left earlier that day) I'm like hhhhmm I walk in and he's there!! Surprise!!! My baby is home...he took whatever flight he can get to get back home and see me. ( others weren't so lucky) he was determined...I was really surprised I loved it....little bit in shock ...good shock. We had great conversation. Missed him even if it was only for a week! Love my soldier. Melissa the soldierette

Melts my heart...

So my soldier just sent me a text with this song :

Here are some lyrics by metrolyrics.com,

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em
Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonight 

 But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue  

Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you  

But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone, 

I'll see you later on

Kiss me thru the phone, see you when I get home

 
Baby I know that you like me, 

you my future wifey Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, 

yeah You can be my Bonnie, I can be your Clyde  

You could be my wife, text me, call me
I need you in my life, yeah all day everyday I need ya  

And every time I see ya my feelings get deeper 

I miss ya, I miss ya, I really wanna kiss you but I can't...

...Baby I been thinking lately so much about you 

 Everything about you, I like it, I love it 

Kissing you in public, thinking nothing of it 

 Roses by the dozen, talking on the phone
Baby you so sexy, your voice is so lovely 

 I love your complexion, I miss ya, I miss ya, I miss ya I really wanna kiss you but I can't

I love it!! brings tears to my eyes...

Melissa The Soldierette

A little taste..

Hello My Soldierettes,

So my soldier has been gone for a few days only for a week but its giving me a little taste of whats to come. The thing is, is that its only a week so I can handle a week pretty well. Its sort of like we need that time apart since we live together. The funny part and the nice part is that I was upset at him before he left. We went to bed mad but all it took was knowing that he was leaving and a hug while we are sleeping for me to get over it. I was so dumb arguing over something that was really nothing and when I say argue it was only me arguing and he let it go so easily. It feels good to be home and he is working and we are both okay and happy with each other. I left a little note in his uniform pocket and I don't think he has found it yet!

I just want to say that with our soldiers little petty things aren't worth the argument or getting mad. I know we sometimes do we are women its in is naturally but lets just take some time to think about it and let it go (unless its something really really bad). We have to be strong women to be in a relationship with soldiers. It is a different relationship and it really is ARMY strong relationship well in my case at least...I also include every branch. The bond, the trust is a lot greater than any other relationship..and that is hard to find.

Stay tuned for my next post it may be interesting to read especially if your a soldierette...

Here is my soldier getting ready to leave for the week! <3

Haha caught you baby!!

He's leaving : ( I need Ideas...

So my soldier is leaving soon for 75 days...ugh 75 days...anyway. I wanted to do something for him. I need some ideas. You see when he leaves even if its for his 4 days out of the month training he does things to show me that he is thinking about me. The last thing he did before he left for a week was write on our bathroom mirror " I love you" with a washable marker. You know what was crazy was that I didn't see it right away until the third day. But guess what, I had just had a dream where I woke up and he was next to me then I woke up and he wasn't. I went into the bathroom took a shower came out and saw that. Made my entire day nothing could have turned my day around after that. Its little things even little jokes. One time he took out cereal from MY cereal box and switched it with his a more less tasteful one I went to pour the cereal in a bowl and out came his cereal. I wasn't mad I was crying of joy, couldn't stop laughing. He got me, he took the time to play that little joke on me knowing I don't always eat cereal and that I will notice later rather than sooner (weird to put it this way huh?). That is how he is and that is how WE became.

He tells me he doesn't like to call because its hard for him, it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me its just harder for him to be able to focus on what he needs to focus on. So I was thinking maybe I can write him a daily journal of what happened on my day, what I dreamt about, what I ate, how I missed him like crazy. Maybe even weekly video blogs/journals. When he comes home he can see that I was thinking about him the entire time he was gone. He will see that my day isn't a good day without him in it and every day he will be in it even though he is gone. (confusing??) you know what I mean.

So I also plan to blog daily about whatever jokes or songs he sends me..when he has the chance to.
What do you think will this daily journal be a sweet idea?

Thank you,
Melissa The Soldierette.